Today, August 28th, 2019, would have marked Boodha the Bulldog’s 13th birthday.  When we lost him back in May, I wrote on this very platform, about what he meant to me, my wife, and our family.  After the grieving subsided somewhat, I decided to dive a little deeper and was really thinking about not just the cherished memories with our beloved family pet, but the life lessons I learned from Boodha’s time on this earth.  Since he touched and taught me so much, on so many different levels, I decided to write down many of these lessons.  I am far from a novelist, but I have aspirations of eventually refining the writings and putting them into novel form, maybe even two versions.  The first version would be an adult, almost “self improvement” book and the second version a condensed, kids book, complete with illustrations by yours truly.

So on this  “would be” birthday, I included an excerpt from my work.  It is one of many of the life lessons I pondered that Boodha the Bulldog taught me about life.  In the coming months, I look forward to posting more of these that I have in the pipeline and ones that I will continue to create and refine.

… Happy Birthday my friend, I truly miss you!

Patience:

By far one of the most valuable lessons I learned from my time with my beloved Boodha, was patience. The very task of being the caretaker of another being, which begin with Boodha as a helpless young puppy, totally reliant on his caretaker to survive and ultimately thrive, taught me early and often, that I must take a step back and wait for certain things to unfold if I wanted to yield positive results or progress. Necessary tasks when rearing a puppy, such as house breaking him, integrating him into a new home, and setting his daily routine, all proved to be challenging exercises in patience. Whether one buys into the idea of animals having unique personalities or if it could be attributed to his notoriously, stubborn English Bulldog breed, Boodha, from the time as a puppy, all the way up to his final days, always projected a stubborn, disposition about nearly everything. With what seemed like a very high level of animal intelligence and an ability to pick up on things quickly, I always got the sense that he would understand any corrections, instructions, or concepts taking place but then would make a decision on whether to comply or refuse, in that moment. Boodha was not a low intelligence animal, complicit in all of his owner’s commands, as some sort of blind desperation for affection, nor was he an animal suffering from deep trauma and complicit out of fear, and terror of repricussions. Any attempts on my part to expedite or force the compliance process with him were futile and it became a game of waiting and consistency, both of which it behooves one to be patient.

Even with an emphasis on discipline and establishing a physical routine, like when walking him, or bathing him, required me to learn how to hang in there, not push too hard, and wait for things to unfold, almost organically. When I tried the opposite approach and tried to force the issue, the results were always counterproductive or disastrous. Even as Boodha became older and his eyesight and mobility were severely compromised, in order to still be able to play his favorite game of fetch with him, or take him up and down the stairs after using the bathroom or taking him out, places, I had to learn how to slow down, calm down, minimize any anxiousness, and let him know what I wished of him but not in a negative, forceful way, based on my own impatience and my own urgency. When I was able to pull off this more patient approach, he was always more responsive and it really allowed me to maintain high energy levels and active participation from him, all the way up to the very day he passed.

The lesson of patience I learned from Boodha was invaluable and I was able to and am still applying it everyday to rearing my two children. Although my children have gained verbal communication and reasoning skills, which change the equation some what, the ability to take a step back and just let things unfold naturally versus aggressively pushing the situation have proven to work well just like with Boodha. Especially as they grow older, I can see the value of taking a step back, after whatever I asked or requested from them, and letting them process it, and giving them time and the freedom to produce. When I do lose patience, and I have an anxious, aggressive attitude looking for immediate results from them, like Boodha, they become less responsive, and in many cases they even react the opposite of what I think I want from them, as a reminder that pushing is problematic and patience is a virtue.

Don’t get me wrong, the idea of practicing patience that Boodha taught me, does not in any way, diminish a sense of urgency, nor the aggressive pursuit of something, both of which there is a time and place for. However, Boodha was a very tangible, literal example of the idea of practicing patience. For example, having on many occassions, to literally pull and drag him on his leashe just to get him started walking, knowing it was necessary to keep him healthy and knowing he would, most of the time, eventually enjoy it after getting started, patience had to be prevelant with him on these walking expeditions. If I had little patience in this scenario and I tried to drag him, he would dig his heels in like a stubborn bulldog and would fight me tooth and nail, to not walk. As he blossomed into a muscle bound, 70 lb adult dog, the idea of tug a war with him, was just a way to exhaust me and make me give up walking him, altogether. If I lacked patience in this same walking scenario and I refused to walk him and went right back inside, and gave up, I could expect a dog later that day, bursting with excess energy, not wanting to eat all his food, or having a bathroom accident in the house, all possible scenarios from a dog that did not get proper excercise and stimulation. Instead, stern and consistent verbal commands from me, and a slow game of nudging by the inch and then foot, while continually waiting on him to progress, eventually led to momentum, and then led to a full walk, and in turn, led to a happier, balanced dog.

This literal example of walking Boodha is a metaphor for practicing patience in real life. Regardless of the scenario, whether child rearing, a romantic relationship, or a career, etc., often when we lack patience, and seek immediate results, and we tug on a metaphorical leashe and try to pull instead of taking time out to let the situation unfold and let the other person or thing respond, we are met with resistance from the other and a refusal to comply. Then there is little or no progress foward or a complete digression takes place. This is because we are not considering the other’s time, abilities, or desires and are trying to impose our own upon them in this moment. Instead we must express our own sense of time, abilities, and desires to them but at the same time encourage the existence of their own. It is at this point progress begins to take place and even if initially, it is not at the pace of our expectations, eventually since expectation is dissolved and both parties are equal participants in a sense, the ultimate progress and results take place, naturally as a result of practicing patience.

It’s with a very heavy heart that I share the news that a best friend, family member, and bringer of joy in my life has passed. My beloved English Bulldog, Boodha has left this world at twelve and a half years of age.

I don’t know where to begin as far as describing his role in my life and the lives of my family. In his twelve plus years of existence, not a day passed in which I didn’t pour love, affection, and attention into him and he always reciprocated it in spades by bringing joy, humor, and drama in my life.

He fit every stereotype of his bulldog breed; tough, stubborn, powerful, and dignified. Tough, all the way up to his  last dying moments when his heart appeared to be quitting on him but he kept snapping back into consciousness and fighting the surrender until it was no more.  Stubborn, when he would fight tooth in nail, in defiance to go on long daily walks only to eventually enjoy them, once I could get him started. Powerful, like when he was playing tug a war with two fully grown pitbulls at the dog park and pulling both of them, mouth bloody, and refusing to let go, until I intervened.  And lastly, dignified as he stood proudly at my wedding looking on this momentous occasion with a regal tuxedo tie on, and chin up in the air, as if he knew his rightful place in this moment.

He also fit the alpha, K-9, archetype written about in the pages of books and projected on the silver screen. He was fiercely loyal, protective, and tender and gentle with our family, aka his pack. So loyal, always by my side, when in the midst of large crowds at the many events and festivals we frequented with him, or at the beach, or at dog parks, never straying too far, with a watchful eye. Never did I have to worry about him escaping his leash and fleeing like some sort of fugitive of justice. The rare times he wasn’t with me, he showed his loyalty when our time apart ended in a sort of rejoiced, reunion, that he would show in his own unique and subtle style, but not in the “jump up on you and lick your face” variety.  Protective, when he would bark at the sights and sounds of a tv screen, at percieved threats such as dogs, bears, etc., especially in the prescence of my wife. With Boodhas powerful prescence I always had the feeling of safety and  security and the understanding that he would do whatever it takes to protect me and the family from any physical threats. Was he a guard dog? Far from it, but aside from the toungue and cheek, “beware of dog” sign we posted, if you were a stranger and you entered the house, one look at him at the top of the stairs and believe you me, you might want to go the other way.  Like the time he got loose outside and lunged at a cable installer working on our neighbors house, or the time he lunged at my friends face, when they decided to get down on his level while playing fetch with him.  Finally, Boodha was always tender and gentle to his pack aka our family. Whether with our often annoying cat who liked to pick on him, or with my pregnent wife, or with our two daughters, he always showed a soft and gentle side to them, never doing more than sniffing them, and never displaying jealous, excitable  or hostile behavior towards them. We won’t count the time he nipped my daughters hand during a 4th of July celebration , since it was a clear attempt to protect the pack by extinguishing the fireworks. Never once do I recall having to worry or correct him for inflicting harm on the physically  vunerable members of the family. As a matter of fact, I had to correct the family members instead of him because I had the sense that he would never harm them even if he was at the receiving end of their provocation.

My beloved Boodha also defied plenty of conventions. Despite his breed and the shorter life span and known health issues, he lived five years beyond the average age of his contemporaries and never had the myriad of health issues so synonymous with these dogs. As a matter of fact, despite the powerful build, he would always surprise me with his speed, agility, and stamina, whether that was the long hikes we would take with him, playing with other dogs, or playing tug a war with his favorite rubber  rings, or fetch with his favorite green ball. Even when he was old and half blind he approached fetch with the same intensity as in his youth and even partaked in this favorite game of his, with me, on his very last day alive.  As for his health, besides chronic skin issues from time to time, frequent and potent flatulence, and a few, close overheating scares, he was a model of health and vitality that defied the odds. He always kept a healthy appetite and was mobile all the way up to the night  of his passing.  Despite his “meat head”, lumbering, appearance, he was no dimwit either. His ability to follow commands and know what you were asking of him were second to none. Whether that was training him to go up and down stairs in a specific manner and position or training him to sit on command before receiving a treat, his ability to pick it up quickly was uncanny. Now once he learned something, whether he chose to listen or comply was a whole another story!

Lastly, even though he wasn’t a human companion, he defied my expectations of what a true bond and friendship could be. He was unconditional about everything he did for me and his only concern seemed to be showing his love and bringing joy in my life. Sure, he made me mad sometimes, and he made me cry like right now, and he also made me laugh all the time, but most importantly, my quality of life was better with him.

So in his passing I have to go back to his last moments on this earth because it epitomizes how his life and our relationship was:

After a routine day with Boodha that culminated in his favorite game of fetch with his cherished green ball, with me in our man cave, while watching sports, he uncharacteristically clamored to go outside and proceeded to behave very strangely. At that point, I had the suspicious feeling it might be time. So late at night, as he lied on the ground with me and my wife, and I watched him close his eyes for the last time and drift away forever, I thought to myself how I would so dearly miss my friend. However, I also rejoiced and sought solace that he lived a fulfilling life and gave me a fulfilling life in return. He got to leave this world in my arms, a way so  fitting for him, with so much grace, dignity, and beauty, without pain and suffering.

And so I say, “Boodha, I will forever remember you, and you will be missed my best friend and family member. I am eternally grateful for the gift of joy that you brought me and my family and the lessons of unconditional love that you taught me.”

Losing a job is a reality of modern life.  Being between work can be unsettling and stressful due to the financial uncertainty alone.  The psychological aspects of losing a job can lead to feelings of depression, despair, and inadequacy.  These components and others, combined can easily lead to counter productivity and a mindset of scarcity instead of abundance.  How can the narrative change and someone become productive and gain an advantage from this situation?

We are inundated with negative feelings the moment we lose a job.  Knowing that these negative feelings are inevitable and knowing that they surface when we first lose a job, we can then label the feelings as temporary and fleeting, rather than wallow in permanence with them.  The uncertainty associated with losing a job can be turned into a certainty.  By no longer having that job, we can now be certain that we have the time that would have been spent on the job to do things that are not part of the job.  If we make choices that do not support the negative feelings of losing the job and complete them during the time that we would have been on the job, we are being productive.  A good example is to make a list of the things you said you would do if you weren’t working at the job or if you had the time to do during work hours on the job.  This list can even be comprised of unfinished things that you would have completed had it not been for the aforementioned excuses.  What this list represents are things that are not associated with the job that was lost, so in turn, they are not bi-products of the initial negative feelings of losing the job and can be deemed as positive things.  By undertaking this list during the time you are no longer on the job, you are now taking that time and creating value, thus being productive.

Over the last two weeks I faced some losses. I lost an old friend, and I lost my job of nearly the past 4 years. I thought about what the losses were to me, the timing of them, and what they meant in the grand scheme of things.

When I lost my friend in an auto accident and heard the news from another friend, both of whom I had been out of touch with for some time, I was reminded that things that may have caused us to drift apart over recent years were truly trivial when considered in the context of death and impermanence. It wouldn’t do my friend justice just to wax nostalgic about them since the times we had together were not all that remarkable, and they happened in what seems like another time and place in my life. When thinking of what this loss was to me, I remember my friend who was a musician, and who I had the honor to work with on numerous occassions, was the type of person that never stopped believing their own ability, and never stopped pursuing their dream of becoming a successful musician, even at the expense of others labeling them delusional and even after other people’s criticisms of them for their lifelong pursuit. The loss of my friend was a reminder that there is nothing wrong and as a matter of fact it, it is what is all that is right about living, as far as pursuing your passion and always believing in yourself. You see my friend always maintained this atttitude and pursuit without harming others and from a positive place. They always celebrated their own victories as well as others and they never tried to better their own position by exploiting another. The only thing that haulted their pursuit was when they physically lost their life. This taught me that we must remind ourselves of what we want and be unapologetic about the pursuit without hurting others. It can be taken away anytime, so while we are here and able to pursuit it, it is our obligation.

The timing of losing my friend was a bit of synchronysity, if you will, since I lost my job of nearly 4 years, almost one week later. When I think about my job and the fact that my departure had to do with a soured family and business relationship, I took a step back when processing all the events. I first thought about the insignificance of the melodrama surrounding and even the financial ramifications of losing my job when compared to the death of a friend. Secondly, I thought about how outside of the financial and family reasons for taking the job, how the job itself was overall, not fulfilling on a physical, mental, or spiritual level for me.  With the death of a friend who epitomized the pursuit of their passion and dreams, and me losing the job, not to be too much of a cliche, but I took this as a sign.  Better yet, it was a gift from my friend, in passing, who instructed the universe to push me in the right direction.

So I am here sitting and writing this, and in a state of mourning, and unemployed. This seems dire but I couldn’t feel better. I see that it was my friend that made the ultimate sacrifice, and helped set me free to do what I should be doing.  Losing a friend and a job were losses on the surface, but were true gains in the grand scheme of things.