Over the past year people have faced a pandemic, a volatile political climate, economic hardship, and everyday life has been a far departure from the norm for so many. I have seen those I love, strangers, and myself , try to deal with feelings of despair, depression, and sadness from the uncertainty and the adversity of these times. I have made a concerted effort to deal with these feelings within myself and done my best to only worry about what I can control. However, I recognize how challenging these times are for so many people, especially for some of the ones I love. Seeing all the pain and suffering made me think of a buddhist idea I heard about.

Often when we face pain and suffering, the intensity of it seems so great at the time, that we begin to identify ourselves with negative facets of life like pain and suffering, even after it ceases. We forget about positive facets of life because we are so worried about when the next bout of pain and suffering will take place and we worry about whether will ever get past the pain and suffering. What we fail to realize is that no matter how intense the pain and suffering is, it is just a single facet of existence and not the entirety of existence. There are also positive aspects of life like feelings of joy, happiness, and laughter, to name a few.

Existence is all these feelings, not just one of them. The buddhist idea said that life is like licking a razor blade covered in honey. As we lick the blade, we taste the sweet honey while simultaneously tasting our own blood from our sliced tongue. This gruesome analogy illustrates how life is all things at once. We are not just the negative or just the positive, but we are both, at the same time.

When we realize this we begin to get past the pain and suffering because we know it is just a thing, and it will come to pass and it will come again. Just like we know that positivity will come to pass and will come again. We no longer identify ourselves as one or the other, but all things and we begin to live.

And we can make it past this year of so much uncertainty and adversity when we realize that for every pandemic there is a cure, and for every bit of political volatility there is reform, and for every hardship there is prosperity.

I thought again about the poet that I referenced yesterday who wrote a poem a day for something like 10 years, so I decided to continue to try writing daily myself. This is not without difficulty especially when I took so much time since I regularly wrote on this very platform and so much has transpired in the world and my own life, in that time. It is really a question of where do I begin?

I just watched a documentary about the group Steely Dan and the making of their classic album “Aja”. The level of their craftsmanship and the detail and effort they put in the album was humbling and made me think about my own productivity and dedication to my own craft. Now it so happens that music is my own craft but bigger than that I thought about the productivity and dedication to my own craft in the sense of immersing myself in thought and existence around my craft. Part of that process is doing things like writing this blog. Sure I put time and energy in my literal craft like writing and recording music, but what about outside of the craft? Everyday life, like work and family are a given but where is the in between time of everyday life and the craft, spent? Craftsman like Steely Dan who forged a masterpiece surely not just spent time on the literal craft but also spent the in between time of life thinking about their craft. How else are they capable of creating something of this magnitude?

This question makes me think of writing on this platform and how it is the in between time and like the the aforementioned poet who wrote daily, me writing here, consistently, will influence my literal craft and can ultimately help make it better and help it evolve.

My god, I don’t know where to begin since it’s been so long since I posted and so much has happened in my world and the entire world. I was listening to an interview today with a poet who had written a poem daily for something like the last ten years. One of the interviewers of the poet referenced one of my favorite books, The War of Art and the idea of the resistance that we face everyday and that keeps us from picking up the pen and being the opposite of the poet and not creating every day.

Although I am often prolific in creation whether music or art, an immense sense of guilt and humility came over me when hearing this interview, as well as an immense feeling of inspiration. I thought about this blog and I thought about the world and I was left wondering what was stopping me all this time from writing everyday. I thought about what my life is without writing everyday and what it would be if I did.

There was only one thing to do….so here I go again.

Hanging out with friends yesterday, watching football and being around their older dog made me miss my boy. There was so many times I remember hanging out in my man cave, with Boodha, watching football, and in between plays, tossing his favorite ball or playing tug a war with his industrictable rubber rings.  That said, I thought I would share an excerpt from my “work in progress”” or possible novel called “The Wisdom of Boodha: Life Lessons I Learned From Man’s Best Friend”. This chapter was called “Playing Hard”.

Playing Hard

On Boodha’s very last day, we played his all time favorite game, fetch, with his all time favorite toy, his neon green ball. This ritual was remarkable because despite his old age and many of his physical faculties being compromised, like eye sight, and speed and agility, Boodha always played this game with the same intensity as day one. When he was younger and spry, and full of boundless energy, he had plenty of games he would also play, like tug a war with ropes, running with the big dog packs at the park, and long wooded hikes. No matter what the game was, he always played hard.

This lesson Boodha taught me, was that no matter what the prior circumstances up to that point or what might happen afterward, when it was play time, it was all about playing hard. Wether sick, or old, or when or where he was, I was always taken back at Boodha’s ability to remove any focus on prior or post circumstances, situations, and settings and the focus and intensity lied in the game itself and the participation in the game. This penchant for unbridled intensity of play and participation was always consistent and always at a certain level with Boodha, no matter what.

I remember when he once had an allergic reaction to something, and was vomiting and his face swelled up. While he was growing sicker and prior to the eventual prognosis, when I was not fully aware of the situation and was playing fetch with him as normal, I remember him still fetching and running and playing as hard as he could despite the circumstances. As a matter of fact this incident and others similar to this, were what helped me detect when something was wrong based on not a lack of participation, but rather a slight tick in pace and length of play.

I remember a few times where Boodha strained his leg or muscles and his mobility was compromised. Obviously, my sympathy for his injuries, would not allow me to force playing but I can honestly say that if I attempted to play or if when I played with him, delicately with him in these situations, he was always a willing participant, he always went as hard as he could, and he never boycotted this call to play.

There was even a bit of guilt on my part, on his last day, when we had a very long session of fetch, and later that evening he grew sick and shut down and passed. Part of me wondered if I pushed him too hard, knowing he was always a willing participant and he always played hard no matter what the circumstances. At the same time, I always tried to be vigilant, especially in his later years when it came to the fragility of his health, so that evening was no different for me as his play partner. As a matter of fact, I was equally vigilant and purposeful on making sure Boodha and me had a certain quota of playtime each week. This was because I could see the stimulation that playtime provided him, the bond as playmates it helped create, and the positive effects on his mental, spiritual, and physical health.

These benefits that I mentioned were the life lesson of playing hard that I learned from him. As humans if we can remove external factors and avoid focusing on the past or future situation or circumstance, and allow ourselves to be fully immersed in whatever play we are participating in, there are a host of benefits. We find stimulation in the act of playing hard. We create bonds with the fellow participants in the game, and we find mental and spiritual solace in act of playing hard. Playing hard helps us physically get stronger. By avoiding any excuses as to why we shouldn’t play the game, and by avoiding playing the game, half assed, and by always being a willing participant in the game, and by playing the game with same intentional intensity no matter what, we can find fulfillment and satisfaction for a lifetime. We can get past barriers and excuses and manifest the energy and drive to be a willing participant of play from childhood up to a last days, long after when our physicality is compromised.

This is a second excerpt from the possible novel I have been working on about the life lesson’s and wisdom my dog, ironically named Boodha, who passed away this year taught and gave me.  This one is from the chapter titled, “Health Consciousness”.

Health Consciousness 

When I elected to get a pure breed dog, versus a mixed breed, and in particular this breed, the English Bulldog, research informed me of a myriad of potential health issues that I could be facing with this animal. Skin issues, overheating, joint issues, obesity, respiratory issues were just a few health issues synonymous with this breed of dog.

When we first brought Boodha home as pup, my now wife and I decided to feed him a popular, name brand food based on our breeder’s recommendation, and whose brand also happened to sponsor their breeding operation. Betweeen being a complete neophyte when it came to raising a dog and being in a more challenging financial situation at that time, the decision to feed him this food was an easy one. However, I didn’t realize or even care that the food was comprised of poor quality ingredients that had an adverse affect on his health. At that time in my life, a lot of decisions were made based on ignorance, convenience, and financial motives, and it was at the expense of a lot of things in life, such as health and wellness as one example. Making a simple decision like feeding my dog this kind of poor quality food, based on cost, my own convenience, and a lack of understanding, had a direct affect on Boodha’s health and well being. This kind of affect on his health manifested as chronic skin and bowel issues to name a few.

The lesson of health consciousness that Boodha taught me took a long time to learn. As a young adult when I first adopted him, I was personally operating from a place of blind ignorance when it came to my own physical health. This was based on the assumption that being young comes with a certain invincibility and resilience, that no matter how much damage I were to accrue, I would be fine and could quickly recover. This youthful ignorance applied to the choices I made initially, to Boodha’s physical health. The idea and energy required for true health consciousness were curbed by excuses and justifications. Bowel issues that he had from eating poor quality food were laughed off and chronic skin issues and inflammation were written off as just part of this breed of dog. This dynamic continued to parallel my own life. My own poor diet and physical lifestyle choices were justified as being young and having fun, or my body image was just the way I was or part of who I always was.

However, beneath these lies, Boodha’s introduction into my life helped push me into an eventual obsession with physical health and wellness in all fascets of my life. Though, my young adulthood was wrought with these poor physical choices there was always something inside me that was fascinated with health consciousness and part of my lifestyle did incorporate this cousiousness from the very beginning. However, it took the observation and accountability of another being in Boodha, before I truly learned to make it a top priority and focus of my life. It took extra medical expenses pertaining to him to help learn this lesson. Even though and fortunately it didn’t come to any major surgeries or health crisise, things like the vetinarians wanting to prescribe a lifetime of expensive meds and in turn spend a lifetime addressing chronic issues, it taught me that the root cause must be explored when it came to physical health. I was made aware that I could improve the quality of Boodha’s physical life with preventative measures and better lifestyle choices. This included a long quest to find high quality food for him, to eliminate real foods that had adverse affects on him. It included regimented excercise and physical stimulation for him. It included practicing good hygiene to mitigate chronic skin issues.

Reaching this point of health consciousness with Boodha was not an overnight change. It took literally a lifetime of awareness, experimentation, and dedication. My own physical transformation in terms of becoming more health conscious coincided with raising Boodha. For example the regimented excercise with him forced me out of my own more sedatory lifestyle choices since I was the one responsible for scheduling and implementing them. Seeing the adverse affect of poor diet and hygene choices with him, prompted the question with my own life. Like, “what is the cost of eating or drinking that? What will happen?”. “How do I feel when I don’t go for a walk?”. “How do I feel after I do?”.

Even as Boodha aged and much of his physical health was diminished, the lesson of health consciousness proved to be even more critical. Prognostications by his vet and by others with similar experiences as pet owners, often painted a grim picture of what his physical life would become as he grew old. I couldn’t blame or judge this outlook, since often it was prompted by a compassion to avoid pain and suffering or it was just someone else’s account and experience as a fellow dog owner, however I could clearly see that I could avoid much of these pitfalls and maintain a long healthy life with him, counter to the norm, by awareness and making consistent health conscious choices with him.

These same principles were valuable to myself as I grew older at the same time as Boodha. He taught me that achieving physical balance and homeostasis, long into life, was possible if the majority of choices about physical health such as diet, hygiene, sleep, and excercise were sound and made with a certain awareness and consciousness. I also learned that although a lot of science was out there, it was never a perfect science in the sense that there was never a sudden moment or place of acheivement, but instead it was a perpetual process. Learning about better physical health was a continual process and the application required consistency and commitment. Mistakes were and would continue to be made along the way, but it was important that they were learned from and better choices were made the next time around. The benefits of health consciousness were not always immediate or glaring, but instead manifested in a subtle end or minimization to physical pain and suffering, or the avoidance of disatorous medical implications such as cancer, emergency surgery, or a lifetime of side affect filled, expensive, medications.

As my family grew and we introduced kids into the equation, all the while watching Boodha live out an entire lifetime, the consciousness of physical health that I learned a lot about by raising Boodha from a pup, permeated into raising our human pups. Our kids up to this point were not sickly and were able to avoid major medical issues, and carry balanced, happy demeanors to this day. I would like to think this is in part, because of many of the health conscious decisions we made with them such as diet and excercise and good hygiene. Just like with Boodha and myself this is a continual learning process and a lifetime of commitment, but I can always see a difference when a practice these principles compared to when I neglect them.

“The hardest part of creativity is just getting started.  We tell ourselves why we shouldn’t write the words, or stroke the brush, or play the note.  We tell ourselves that we don’t have this or enough of that in order to become the author, the artist, or the musician we might seeourselves becoming. We tell ourselves that we don’t have any business being part of the creative world because we are not worthy, or not good enough, or skilled enough.  We tell ourselves that we shouldn’t even try because we will only get hurt and humiliated, and that we should stick with what we know. Our creative craft never gets better, because it never begins, because of these fears and excuses. “

I recently had a conversation with someone close to me and we were talking about the challenge of overcoming the fear and resistance that meets one before the creative process even takes place.  I had told them that I was attempting to write my first novel (more on that later), and how daunting the idea of this was, having been new to the novel writing process.  The fear and daunting nature of this creative endeveor were comprised of a few things.

One, this being a new venture and medium for me, I quickly began to think about those experienced writers out there, educated, fully immersed, and well versed in this specific creative medium.  I thought about the very best and the legends of, and at the height of this trade, and those with the peak refinement of their craft.  I began to compare my novice self to their expert level of skill and their credentials and I quickly began to be discouraged.  I started to tell myself that I have a lot of audacity to even want to try my hand at this, given the well established names that exist in this world and the historical relevance of this particular medium, i.e. writing books.  This fear of not being worthy or skilled enough compared to those who were, discouraged me from even trying my hand at it.

A second form of resistance surfaced, when considering the idea of writing my first book.  This was a scarcity of resources that I began telling myself , existed, and were reasons why it was futile to even try.  This scarcity of resources, were things like, I don’t have a person in the literary world to help my writing, proofreading, and to bounce ideas off of.  I don’t have an educational background in this thing.  I don’t have the means or adequate research tools to validate my writing.  Things like, who is going to listen to little old me, that is not a professional expert in what he is writing about.  Again, it was more excuses on why not to try, and in this case it was because I don’t have enough of this or that.

The third barrier that confronted me before I even started to write my first word, was comfort and complacentcy.  There were things that I was comfortable with, had invested a lot of time in, and decent enough at, specifically in the creative world, that had me telling myself that I should stick with what I know or am good at and not try anything new, like writing. If I were to try something new and uncertain, I risk failure or risk finding out that I might not be good at it.  By leaving the comfort zone of what I know I can do and am familiar with, I were to risk facing criticism and rejection from others.  And again, it was more excuses on why I shouldn’t try, because this wasn’t in my wheelhouse and wasn’t something that I was use to, or knew I could be good at it.

Good news is that despite all of this resistance and excuses, I decided to plow forward and try my hand at writing a book.  After unpacking all these excuses I was telling myself, I realized they were nothing more than excuses born from my fear of failure and uncertainty.  I thought a lot about my other creative endeveaors and skills and I realized that with those, I was once in this exact starting position of fear and apprehension. It wasn’t until I discarded these kind of excuses and just started the creative process before I gained any kind of confidence, momentum, or refinement.  I also thought about other creative endeveours that were failed, and how with many  of them I didn’t learn that I truly disliked them or decided to cease  doing them until after I began the process, or tried my hand at them. I thought about the growth process and refinement of creative craft and how it can only take place after that first stroke of the brush or first note is played.  Sure, misstrokes take place and bad notes are played along the way, but they are part and partial of the learning and growth of the creative process.

By silencing our internal chatter and diving in and then fully immersing ourselves in the creative process and not worrying about the background or baggage, beforehand, and not focusing on the results or outcome that take place after, we allow ourselves to begin the creative process and truly see the creative process all the way thru its life cycle.  The authenticity that comes from being fully immersed and indulgent in the creative process itself and not focused on the external before and after, of the process, makes us worthy of any of our creative comtemporaries, regardless of status , accolades, or accomplishments.  This is because the process itself is everything and we must put everything into beginning and completing the process itself.