Loss…

loss

 

Over the last two weeks I faced some losses. I lost an old friend, and I lost my job of nearly the past 4 years. I thought about what the losses were to me, the timing of them, and what they meant in the grand scheme of things.

When I lost my friend in an auto accident and heard the news from another friend, both of whom I had been out of touch with for some time, I was reminded that things that may have caused us to drift apart over recent years were truly trivial when considered in the context of death and impermanence. It wouldn’t do my friend justice just to wax nostalgic about them since the times we had together were not all that remarkable, and they happened in what seems like another time and place in my life. When thinking of what this loss was to me, I remember my friend who was a musician, and who I had the honor to work with on numerous occassions, was the type of person that never stopped believing their own ability, and never stopped pursuing their dream of becoming a successful musician, even at the expense of others labeling them delusional and even after other people’s criticisms of them for their lifelong pursuit. The loss of my friend was a reminder that there is nothing wrong and as a matter of fact it, it is what is all that is right about living, as far as pursuing your passion and always believing in yourself. You see my friend always maintained this atttitude and pursuit without harming others and from a positive place. They always celebrated their own victories as well as others and they never tried to better their own position by exploiting another. The only thing that haulted their pursuit was when they physically lost their life. This taught me that we must remind ourselves of what we want and be unapologetic about the pursuit without hurting others. It can be taken away anytime, so while we are here and able to pursuit it, it is our obligation.

The timing of losing my friend was a bit of synchronysity, if you will, since I lost my job of nearly 4 years, almost one week later. When I think about my job and the fact that my departure had to do with a soured family and business relationship, I took a step back when processing all the events. I first thought about the insignificance of the melodrama surrounding and even the financial ramifications of losing my job when compared to the death of a friend. Secondly, I thought about how outside of the financial and family reasons for taking the job, how the job itself was overall, not fulfilling on a physical, mental, or spiritual level for me.  With the death of a friend who epitomized the pursuit of their passion and dreams, and me losing the job, not to be too much of a cliche, but I took this as a sign.  Better yet, it was a gift from my friend, in passing, who instructed the universe to push me in the right direction.

So I am here sitting and writing this, and in a state of mourning, and unemployed. This seems dire but I couldn’t feel better. I see that it was my friend that made the ultimate sacrifice, and helped set me free to do what I should be doing.  Losing a friend and a job were losses on the surface, but were true gains in the grand scheme of things.

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